Fear of Commitment

The topic this week is something that I feel men used to have more of an issue with than women. Nowadays, the field is probably a bit more even keel for various reasons. I'm talking about the fear of commitment. What is it about being with only one person for the rest of your life that scares people? Maybe it's the phrase, "the rest of your life." I guess that could do it. But, what are you really afraid of? Now, we all know that it's a huge step and it's a big decision to commit to one person. So, is it because you think you'll miss out on a better opportunity? Maybe you're waiting for someone more handsome, with more money, or someone prettier, or with a better body. I hope that's not the case because those are very shallow reasons. I understand that we're a pretty visual society but it takes more than physical attributes to sustain a relationship. Maybe you feel like you don't want to deal with the emotional attachment. If this is you, then you most certainly are not ready to make a commitment.

So, if you found the man or woman that you've been hoping to meet all of your life, the person of your dreams, would you make a real commitment then? Or would you still be afraid? In my opinion, I think women in particular have a valid fear simply because men are hard to trust. The reason I say this is because you don't even know if you're dating someone straight or bi-sexual these days. For me personally, this is a huge issue! I can't wrap my head around the fact that men can't be honest about their true sexuality. If that's who you are and that's what you choose, tell us. Don't date us or marry us and then 5 or 10 years later, come out of the closet or bring home an STD that could be fatal. What makes men so afraid to be honest about whether they're gay or bi-sexual? Who's gonna judge you? This is 2010, and we live in a very free society, so be who you are, and be with the person you want to be with. Don't use us as a beard because you are afraid.

By being afraid, you only hurt yourself because you're missing out on what you really want. So if you don't want to miss out on what's really going to make you happy, stop being afraid and go for it. Throw caution to the wind and go for the gusto! Be the person you are, whoever that is. If you're straight, great. If you're gay or bi-sexual, embrace it. If you want to be single, then be single. And if you want to be commited to one person, do it! Don't be afraid of anything, just be sure. We only get one life to live, so we have to make certain that the life we choose is the life we will be happy with. Remember, when you choose your mate, choose wisely without fear, then live life to the fullest!

Love 'N Joy

Truth and Honesty

What is your first thought when a person says, "trust me?" Some people would automatically be suspicious, while others would give them the benefit of the doubt. How trusting and honest are you? Is it easy for you to put yourself out there and open yourself up to someone? These are questions a lot of people ask themselves these days, including me. It's not easy to take risks with your heart, but no one wants to be alone for the rest of their lives either, so we take chances.

When you go on a first date, do you disclose too much information, or do you take things slowly? I used to hold things in when I was younger and not say much of anything about myself. I listened more when I went on dates but only because I didn't have self-assurance. I didn't have a lot of confidence in my early 20's so I didn't feel comfortable opening up and talking about me. I had to find out who I was first. Now that I'm older, I know who I am and what's important in my life so it's much easier to have a conversation. But we all know that it's still not easy opening up to someone and putting yourself out there. These days, I try to get to know a person a bit before I open up and disclose too much. A nice steady pace works best for me.

So, if someone asks you a question, do you tell the absolute truth? I think it's best to be honest with people but as a result, you can sometimes hurt their feelings. I don't like hurting anyone because I've been hurt so you have to find a tactful way to be honest without being hurtful and that's not easy to do. When you meet someone new that you really like, you both want to know everything about each other. So you start out asking little questions that are easy to answer at first. But, eventually the questions get more personal and maybe a little harder so you have to open up more and you don't want to start out telling lies because the truth usually comes out anyway. Besides, once they find out you lied, it's over because they're not likely to trust you anymore.

So, here's the thing, most people don't want to grow old alone, which means we have to learn to trust each other. Lies typically end relationships, so we should always try our best to be honest. Mutual honesty and mutual trust work very well together and the relationship will likely sustain itself because you respect each other. This rule of thumb applies to family, friends and lovers, so just think about what you want and how you want to be treated and simply do the same for someone you love, respect and admire. Honesty and truth never goes out of style, so make it a part of your daily life and you can't go wrong. And just remember that old adage, "the truth will set you free!"

Love 'N Joy!

Love Yourself!

This is my first blog and I can't even express to you how excited I feel right now! I love writing and expression! I think communication is the best because we all get to tell each other how we feel. We're all here on this planet together so we have to talk, right? And I love to talk about everything and anything. Just ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you, "Joyce doesn't know any strangers because she will talk to anyone and everyone." Question of the Day: Do you love yourself? You know, part of living life is about "Loving Yourself" and putting yourself first. When you do that, then you can take care of others and make better choices. It took me awhile to learn to love myself and I place blame on no one. I do believe that if my mother hadn't left this earth when I was a young girl and had been with me through my formative years, that I would've had the guidance I needed to grow and to learn. But, I had to learn to do things on my own and I didn't always make the best choices. I made some mistakes growing up, in my 20's and in my 30's and those mistakes were sometimes costly. However, I learned from them as we should and they helped me to become the woman I am today. Now, make no mistake, I am by no means perfect. I'm still a work in progress like most of us. But I do try to make the best choices I can these days. I now listen to me and I know what works best for me. So, when you question yourself and your choices, maybe that's your inner voice or spirit telling you that you're heading down the wrong path. Listen to yourself, don't ignore your inner voice, take note and weigh your options, then you can make the best choices. This will promote positive energy, create higher self-esteem and confidence in your abilities. So trust yourself and your instincts and whether you believe it or not, you know yourself better than anyone else. You don't get too many chances to make the right choice in life these days so when you get your shot you should make the best of it. Life allows you opportunities so when the right door opens, be ready to walk through it and seize the day! And do the best you can for YOU, and put yourself first, not before God, but before all others. Learn to love you, then you will become the BEST YOU!

Love 'N Joy!