The topic this week is something that I feel men used to have more of an issue with than women. Nowadays, the field is probably a bit more even keel for various reasons. I'm talking about the fear of commitment. What is it about being with only one person for the rest of your life that scares people? Maybe it's the phrase, "the rest of your life." I guess that could do it. But, what are you really afraid of? Now, we all know that it's a huge step and it's a big decision to commit to one person. So, is it because you think you'll miss out on a better opportunity? Maybe you're waiting for someone more handsome, with more money, or someone prettier, or with a better body. I hope that's not the case because those are very shallow reasons. I understand that we're a pretty visual society but it takes more than physical attributes to sustain a relationship. Maybe you feel like you don't want to deal with the emotional attachment. If this is you, then you most certainly are not ready to make a commitment.
So, if you found the man or woman that you've been hoping to meet all of your life, the person of your dreams, would you make a real commitment then? Or would you still be afraid? In my opinion, I think women in particular have a valid fear simply because men are hard to trust. The reason I say this is because you don't even know if you're dating someone straight or bi-sexual these days. For me personally, this is a huge issue! I can't wrap my head around the fact that men can't be honest about their true sexuality. If that's who you are and that's what you choose, tell us. Don't date us or marry us and then 5 or 10 years later, come out of the closet or bring home an STD that could be fatal. What makes men so afraid to be honest about whether they're gay or bi-sexual? Who's gonna judge you? This is 2010, and we live in a very free society, so be who you are, and be with the person you want to be with. Don't use us as a beard because you are afraid.
By being afraid, you only hurt yourself because you're missing out on what you really want. So if you don't want to miss out on what's really going to make you happy, stop being afraid and go for it. Throw caution to the wind and go for the gusto! Be the person you are, whoever that is. If you're straight, great. If you're gay or bi-sexual, embrace it. If you want to be single, then be single. And if you want to be commited to one person, do it! Don't be afraid of anything, just be sure. We only get one life to live, so we have to make certain that the life we choose is the life we will be happy with. Remember, when you choose your mate, choose wisely without fear, then live life to the fullest!
Love 'N Joy
Speaking from personal experiences, I preferred to date someone "Exclusively", I really wasnt into playing the field, I was more comfortable just dating one woman and one woman only....Now some of these relationships lasted a long time, some didnt, and the ones that did not, I learned from them and moved on and hoped the next relationship would be more successful! Being a guy, I know why guys love to date around, it just wasnt my style......I always believed in total honesty because the truth is what a great stable relationship is built on....Guys and Gals that are reading Joyce's dead on to the point blog should pay attention to each word that was typed....."Players" and "Playettes", settle down! If you think you have a great thing going, make it official, make that person yours...Its the right thing to do for you and your mate, its the correct thing for your mind, body and soul!Fellows, if you're interested in both sexes, be truthful, let your mate know...do not take a chance that could end up being deadly to your mate....If you're straight, the relationship is strong, than make it even stronger by committing to your mate....Make It Last Forever! Make it Always and Forever! Make it an Endless Love! I
ReplyDeleteWell said Stephen and thank you for being who you are!
ReplyDeleteA thought ran through my mind as I read your blog - ONE of the many things (lol) I'm afraid of is I will end up with someone who have NO JOY in their life.
ReplyDeleteI've seen relationships where both persons for one reason or another DO NOT ENJOY their life or having a good time.
It irritates me. I don't want to appear like I am living in fantasy land, but REALLY... this life IS TOUGH... I need someone who's going to pick me up when i'm down and vice versa.
I also want someone who won't make every day life miserable. I've been to folks house where one spouse make the guests feel like they are bothering them. SERIOUSLY? I would hate if my husband do that to my friends. That is making life miserable. Now the the offended spouse have to apologize to her friends and then go and address the rudeness with the spouse and hope and pray that person don't do it again. TOO MUCH...
Or how about when you get the side convo "BTW, I can never invite you to our house because my spouse hate people at our house"... UM... DAMN... lol... Hate? Why is he/she grinning in my face acting like they love me?
I couldn't imagine NOT having guests over to visit! And then my reputation to the world is "she's mean"... well i AM mean - lol - BUT that's for my kids to know! *wink*
My parents had this together: if someone visited one spouse and the other didn't want to keep company, they would graciously trade pleasantries for 5 minutes and be GHOST! No one was ever offended!
Like I said, this is just ONE of my fears. Its cliche to say I don't want anyone who take life so serious, but, really, I don't. I am a serious enough of a person for 10 people. But I do know how to be courteous and welcoming and warm and loving and mellow and I want someone who ENJOYS letting that part of their personality show too... especially in the hard times.
I've met too many guys who are just MISERABLE but want me to BE their joy. Joy comes from WITHIN... it needs to radiate whether I'm around or not.
I'll stay single for now ... lol
Michelle K
Thanks for sharing your insight MK, your comments are welcome. You will definitely know when the right man comes along and you won't have to wonder. Not only that, but he will want to share his joy with you and welcome yours with open arms as well. You never know, he could be right around the bend.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great topic this week and one that I'm struggling with. I used to think the grass was greener on another lawn but didn't really try to water my own too much before moving. It's so true that we get wiser with time b/c you realize so much more of what is important in a relationship as we age. Values, morals, beliefs...they all change and mature.
ReplyDeleteYou talked about sexuality and I can't identify with that on this topic but if that is one of the reasons people have problems committing, it needs to be addressed within the relationship. I agree that men/women need to just be 100% honest with themselves and their partners! It's the best solution regardless of how much it hurts at first.
But keeping it all the way 100, I can see why some people have such a hard time committing to one person. There are SO MANY GOOD looking people around this time of year. Summer is NOT a good time to be stuck in a run down, dreadful, boring a@# relationship because of all the temptation out there. I know you said it was shallow but it is what it is. We ARE visual beings and that's IS usually the first thing that appeals to our species. I'm currently HAPPY that I'm single right now so I can look, mingle, flirt and date...all that without the strenuous feeling that I'm betraying someone. When I DO find 'Mr. You'll Have To Do' then maybe my ultimate fear of commitment will be cured. I'm a work in process! :)
Miss NYLA, you are hilarious! Thank you so much for your support and your comment. I pray that when you do find the right man for you that he makes you happier than you ever dreamed. Just remember to look inside at his heart and that he's someone you like talking to because when he gets older, he won't look the same and you'll need that foundation. Make sure that he makes you laugh and that he loves you unconditionally! Keep the faith! :)
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